Ed's Determined Freelancer

2007-04-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

BREAK YOUR E-MAIL ADDICTION

Are you addicted to your e-mail? Don't be like this guy.

It's difficult not to check your e-mail several dozen to several hundred times a day. It automatically refreshes every 30 seconds or a minute, depending on your settings. Also, when a majority of your contact with the professional world is via e-mail, it makes you long for responses.

One way to avoid checking e-mail is simply to be out of e-mail range for an hour. Run errands, meet a friend for lunch, accidentally drop your BlackBerry; these are all viable options with obvious degrees of cost.

If you can't live without, at least leave your e-mail open in the toolbar on your desktop and let the auto refresh do it's job. In other words, don't look for messages unless you get an alert. After that, make yourself wait a few minutes to peek who has written you. Then, it will be like Christmas several times a day.

2007-03-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

CHANGING OF THE GUARD

Whether it's in front of Buckingham Palace or at a publishing company, the changing of the guard brings new personalities and a different guy you to deal with if you want to get in the front door.

Your editors are going to change if you write for a paper or magazine for longer than a year. It's a fact of the pbulishing world. The good news is that means an editor, who you have trouble working with, could be swapped out for an editor whom you love. And vice-versa.

The key is to introduce yourself properly to each new editor, find out about their background and what makes them happy.

After that, it should be smooth sailing, no matter whom you turn your copy in to....

2007-03-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

INCREASE THE DEMAND FOR YOU

Pride goes before the fall. But pride can also infuse your work with new energy and a commitment to getting better.

Start refusing work. Explain that you're too busy or you need to be paid a higher rate. It just might be the answer to getting more work and making more money. This may sound counter-intuitive, but it's true.

For the first time in my freelance career, I've been turning down work on a regular basis. It's led to better opportunities and clients offering to bump up my per-word rate. You should only think about this strategy if you have other opportunities lined up or believe that your time would be better spent doing something else. In other words, don't threaten to walk unless you're ready to walk.

Sometimes the best way to get work is to create artificial demand. So, pretend you're the Nintendo Wii and keep your supply artifically low.

2007-03-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

WRITE WHAT YOU LOVE

Everybody has pet projects. Lawyers have pro bono cases, chefs dabble with outlandish food combinations, and don't get your friend started on her golden doodle.

You should have a few things that are close to your heart, if not associated with huge paychecks. So, pick some topics you care about and pitch one such topic a week. It's how you can end up writing about your favorite food, volunteering time for a non-profit, or profiling a bizarre dating trend.

Also, often times your best writing comes from the things you feel most passionate about...I for one, can't get enough of marshmallow fluff. I'll work an angle into a pitch this week. What's your passion? What can you write about?

2007-03-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

YOU'RE NOT A MACHINE

If you divide your day up into time-blocks, you'll notice that you're more productive at certain hours. You might be a morning person, who is cheery without the aid of coffee. Or you're a night owl, still used to college hours and the glowing blue screen of a computer in the dark.

Either way, you've got a time that you can dash out work and operate at peak efficiency. Figure out when that is and schedule you're more important work at that time. Save organizing tasks and bill-paying for times when you'd rather be watching television. After lunch is a particularly sluggish time for me.

You're not a machine and neither is Ivan Drago. Rocky beat him because he chopped him down with a series of punishing hooks and punches. It's apparently devastating to a 6'1'' guy when a 5'2'' man lands an uppercut. You don't need to hit people. Just make a spreadsheet or something. Either that or train in the Siberian wilderness.

2007-03-19T08:06:00.000-07:00

PAYING IT FORWARD

Bring It On was better than Pay It Forward; but ultimately it's the message of the second movie that's going to get you ahead in the world of freelancing.

Whether you're just starting out or you're an experienced freelancer, you'll have colleagues. Fellow writers that you respect and know are working just as hard to put food in the mini-fridge. Therefore, you should recommend them whenver it's appropriate. If you can't take a job or you're not qualified, mention someone who is capable of getting it done.

You'd be amazed how often a simple recommendation comes back to you in the same manner on a different project. Regardless of your motivations, it's a chance for positive karma and a way to level the playing field a bit with editors and publications.

While there's nothing wrong with being feisty and sticking up for your rights, a la Bring it On, please avoid dancing to You're So Fine (Hey Mickey!).

2007-03-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

A GREAT REFERENCE COLLECTION

A great reference is the best way for anyone to start out in the freelancing world. In fact, you might as well start your own reference collection like your local library.

The key is to help people refer you. That means you have a writer's website and you let people know on a regular basis about what you're currently working on...

Whether you send out e-mails or post snarky blog entries (seriously, who would blog about a freelance writing career, anyway?), just find what suits your voice and lets potential references remember to recommend you.

2007-03-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

THE FLAVOR OF WRITING

Freelance writing is more like reality television than you think. There's twenty bachelors, thirteen hoochies, or fifty other writers vying for the attention of a single suitor. Just remember, drama gets you kicked off the show.

So, stay the course and be yourself. If it's a good fit, you'll advance to the next round and be a bit closer to that big payday. Don't say outlandish things or anything that's a racial slur. Feel free to dress a bit provocatively however. Ultimately, freelance writing is just a series of reality show challenges. Therefore, you can have a bit of humor about it.

In the interim, just know your life isn't as ridiculous as this.

2007-03-02T09:54:00.000-08:00

NET LOSS OR NET GAIN?

Ever feel like Sandra Bullock in The Net?

You're holed up in your home office and everything is available via the Interweb. Just like her, you can even order a pizza online! But seriously, there's a real easy trap as a freelancer of letting your online existence, checking e-mail and scouring sites, take over your regular existence.

Simple answer. Schedule meetings at client's locations or with interviewees. While your time is precious, your mental health is more important. Get out there and network in person. You'd be suprised how talking to people about anything other than work can bring you a lot more work.

So, get out of the house this week- but don't start rocking denim on denim. The world isn't quite ready to bring back that fashion movement.

2007-02-28T07:21:00.000-08:00

THIS PHONE IS NOT IN SERVICE

We live in an e-mail driven world. Your phone has morphed into a device that is primarily useful as mobile e-mail. The truncated 'this message sent from a BlackBerry' has become ubiquitous.

I suprised an editor this morning when I called her to see if she had any upcoming special features. This brief and polite conversation should turn into an assignment by the end of the week. It sped up what has taken months by e-mail. I only called because we have spoken on the phone before and this particular editor is not good at responding to e-mail questions.

But sometimes it never hurts to pick up the phone because it at least forces editors to give definitive answers. So, dial that editor you've been waiting to hear from...just don't be creepy.

2007-02-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

THE 'LO MEIN' IDEA

What are you willing to give away for free? It's an important question to ask. Writing is a commodity that can be undervalued very easily; but sometimes a sample might just be your best way to earning returns for years to come.

It's an old axiom. Gillette, now a part of Procter & Gamble, would give away it's razors or sell them at cost, because the real money was in disposable razor blades. Once they've got you as a customer, you're a consistent revenue source because you're always going to need new blades. The same principle applies to ink cartridges and P&G's Swiffer sweepers.

You might want to think about giving away your writing at below-market rates or for free in order to raise your profile and attract new clients. That's the idea behind a recent contest sponsored at Inkthinker, where freelance writers are going to attempt to knock out 30 articles over the next 60 days.

So, it's time you started thinking of your writing in terms of bite-sized portions that can entice people to buy a whole meal. In other words, you could be a guy holding a plate filled with toothpick-riddled General Tso's Chicken at the Food Court in the mall.

2007-02-23T09:52:00.000-08:00

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER 'A'

As the buzz picks up here, the post of the day is brought to you by the letter 'A'- as in agent. With a book negotiation in the works with a small publisher and a bit of a higher profile with some national clips; I'm considering shopping for agents for the first time in my career.

It's a big step but it also seems like the right one. It wouldn't hurt to have a sidekick or pitbull or partner when talking to publications and publishers. Plus, it would be nice to know someone that can work a BlackBerry.

I'm also starting to find that publications want to know you're in demand. It's not that you're unavailable, you're just occupied with another high-profile piece; but you think you could make time for a decent per-word rate. After all, a guy with an agent has got to be busy.

I just imagine my agent being something like this.

2007-02-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

DON'T BE A SPAZ

This morning I had a message from an editor thanking me for handing in an assignment on time and with clean copy. It was a fantastic start to the day. Positive feedback can be a rarity in a profession where no feedback and a quick paycheck are often the best rewards.

It also made me realize that most editors are just trying to meet their deadlines while maintaining a semblance of artistic vision. The moral here is- don't be a spaz. Turn your assignments in on time and sans spelling mistakes.

I think reliability might be as important as talent to editors when considering who to use for a project. So, that means you've got a shot with any publication if you can just pull it together. Also, try not to shave your head this week. I know it's tempting, but you look better with hair. And wigs are expensive and not tax-deductible.

2007-02-20T08:15:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU AN EXPERT?

I have fought the process of specialization my whole career. I didn't want to be a business writer or just write for men's interest because that seemed like it could get old in a hurry. Moreover by writing on a bunch of topics, that meant I usually had a clip with at least a tangential relationship to whomever I was pitching.

But this morning I woke up and realized I have become specialized. A majority of the writing I do is business writing, both corporate and feature pieces. And it's not such a bad thing. My word rate has increased dramatically in the past year and for the first time in my career I'm turning down assignments with hourly rates that I deem too low. Branding yourself as an expert is perhaps not such a terrible thing.

But no matter how talented I feel at writing, I've got a lot of catching up to do to this six-year old. What have you done today?

2007-02-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

LOOK MA NO WIRES

With a new wireless hub in the floating bunker that is the home office, suddenly there are three rooms in which I can work (none of which is a cubicle). The joy of this is in progressing through rooms over the course of the day. There is the living room office for morning coffee/paper/laptop writing. Next we have the bedroom, where I try to stay awake and continue writing. Then there is the home office, with a desktop computer, scanner, and printer.

So, what technology can you not live without? Is it a blackberry or pen that scans text? Or a beer pouring robot?

Ultimately, that's what you should spend money on. Just recognize that you have expenses like any other business and those expenses will naturally include a robot to bring you beer.

2007-02-14T07:42:00.000-08:00

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

In an interview yesterday, I was asked what is my goal for writing. The first response (in my own head) was simply to write each and every day and get the pleasure that comes from that.

The glib and actual answer I gave the interviewer was that I want to be able to approach any publication and have them publish my work. Think along the lines of Stephen King on the back page of Entertainment Weekly or Po Bronson in this month's New York Magazine.

It's about the subtle shifting of power. You're not constantly pitching; instead you're just thinking about how to honor the requests of popular culture publications.

So at the end of the day, it's high school. We all just want to be popular.

2007-02-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

DUST OFF THAT BUSINESS SUIT

In to all freelancer's lives, a bit of copywriting must fall. Today, we tackle the freelance world of business writing. Delightfully dry and unbelievably lucrative business writing.

Today, I will sally forth into Manhattan to sit down with a branding and marketing firm. This is not work that I usually do; however, it is when they accept the hourly rate quote that will make this assignment easily a $1 per word.

The moral of the story here is that if someone offers you a copywriting gig at an hourly rate that is acceptable to you- take it. Business writing leads to other opportunities and if not, it pays for you to have dinner. Best of all, you can know that a portion of your day has been spent being paid to write at a wage that is equivalent to some of the top magazines.

Never forget that your writing is your career and not many people are paid to learn a new skill. Who knows, some day you might even launch your own branding agency.

2007-02-12T08:32:00.000-08:00

BEHOLD THE POWER OF NETWORKING

The value of a good network can never be underestimated. Please know that this is not a clever aside to the Verizon commercials which have plagued us for several years. I wouldn't do that to you, dear reader, without extensive corporate sponsorship.

No, the network I speak of is the entire sphere of people that you know- family, friends, business associates, that guy at a party, or people on LinkedIn. Everyone is a potential business contact. You're not selling AMWAY, you're selling your creative services which are unique and delightful. It's as if you turned cupcakes into delicious prose. Who doesn't love cupcakes? And by extension, your delightfully, hand-crafted writing.

You need to stop being shy about asking for help and embrace the power of networking. In the past six months, networking has offered me copywriting at a corporate rate, a paid position blogging, and opportunities to talk with half a dozen editors. I stopped worrying about asking for contacts because I know that I can deliver on my promises. Also, each of the initial meetings that I had were merely a formality, a meet-and-greet, it was through sheer wit and determination that I garnered assignments.

Tell everyone what you're doing. Send e-mails, launch a website. Create your own network. One without a jackass spokesperson. Opt for somebody more likeable- you.

2007-02-08T09:17:00.000-08:00

REMEMBER THE SPARTANS

Every memorable figure in history has been able to think in the long-term, except King Leonidas of Sparta. So, why should you or I be any different? While working through the daily grind of pitching and writing, you need to have something with long-term potential.

Whether that is working towards an end goal (mine is to be able to be published in any publication that I want), or towards producing a larger piece, you should have a project that is six-months of five years out (whichever feels like a long time to you).

I mention all of this because I have begun working on a non-fiction book. I'm outlining and researching each day. At this point, it's as much an interest as a potential moneymaker. But more importantly it gives me, ironically, a bit more stability to my day. Structure isn't always such a bad thing.

And even though King Leonidas might not have known he was thinking ahead at the Battle of Thermapolylate, he was...because it turns out that his death and those of the other 299 Spartans will now be an awesome movie.

2007-02-06T08:16:00.000-08:00

THE NON-RESPONSIVE EDITOR

Today we tackle the non-responsive editor. The one who takes your timely ideas, sits on them, and then passes with an unsatisfactory e-mail response at a date which renders the idea irrelevant.

Life is about choices and editors won't make decisions unless they're on deadline. Consider it the curse of being a writer or the fact that on the totem pole of responsibilities, you rank somewhere between forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning and itchiness. There is no call-to-action for editors unless you happen to catch them at the moment when they need the exact type of story you're pitching- an unlikely scenario that can not be altered by your brilliance, just chance.

So your job and my job is to politely steer editors towards decisions. Give definitive guidelines, explain that the piece has an expiration date. An editor at a city daily failed to respond to a recent idea tied to an upcoming event in Manhattan. As the event approached and a week had passed, I e-mailed the editor in a straightforward fashion and explained that if I didn't hear back in the next day, I would assume she wasn't interested and pitch the idea elsewhere. I had my answer 20 minutes later. It was a rejection, but it left me free to pitch other editors with the idea and time to do so.

If all else fails, consider creating a Mii, a virtual representation of your editor on your Nintendo Wii. Then go a few rounds in Wii Boxing.

2007-02-05T07:20:00.000-08:00

GETTING IT DONE

Today is a day of opportunity. It's the day when everybody is hungover and cheese-laden. It's the day when you are supposed to be wretched and bleary-eyed.

But not you, you're straight-edge. Or not. But at least you knew somebody in college that was straight-edge for a while. Or not. Yeah, but you can imagine if you did.

The point is I'm excited for days like today. Because today is when other people take a day off to lick their wounds and try to figure out why they're sweating uncontrollably. Today's a day when I can pound out query letters and get an audience with editors. So, when top-notch editors and writers are hurting a bit, the rest of us can sneak up on them like a ninja- a ninja who just wants his stuff to be read.

2007-02-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

KEEPING THE PIPELINE FULL

This week has been exceptionally flush with new projects and opportunities, as some weeks are in the life of a freelancer. Everyone calls at once and wants you to apply pen to paper for them. It's easy to get caught up in the workload, enjoying the pieces you're writing and making sure you hit your deadlines.

But here's the rub. It's very difficult to continue to search for work in the future or present at the same time as writing. What happens when these opportunities are finished in two weeks and my rent continues on it's regularly scheduled time and place? The answer lies in pitching and nudging. You have to keep jobs coming down the pipeline.

Every business that stays in business has a recurring stream of revenue. What's yours? If you don't have one, start thinking like a business and try to get clients to commit to regular work or just pitch them every first of the month. Because otherwise you'll end up like a donkey with your legs in the air.

2007-01-31T11:48:00.000-08:00

MONSTER IN THE BED

Today began at the inhuman hour of 6:30 a.m. I believe only monsters and household pets are up at this hour. My cat would disagree, as even she expressed her displeasure at the scraggly-haired fellow disturbing the pillow on which she and Mrs. D rest their collective heads. So, if I'm not a monster, why was I up? Excellent question. It's almost as if you're prompting me to write this blog entry through a series of subtle questions. Well-played reader, well-played.

I slapped my alarm clock at 6:30 a.m. to begin the second of two blogging positions that started this week. The first, you're reading here. The second is for a daily paper and has the bonus of compensation. Blogging was never something I imagined doing for a living, it's a strange and interesting addition to one's resume. It's also complicated when trying to offer a polite, encapsulated view of what you do at cocktail parties. Stick with paralegal, nobody ever has a follow-up question for a paralegal.

Hey, but what about your neat opportunity as a blogger? Good point. This was a case of my resume being on file and my willingness to update editors with the stories that I had published for the past six months. A friendly, but professional note every month never hurts.

And that's how I ended up with an early wake-up call. But keep in mind, my bed became my office in a few short minutes. Coffee was brewed, the MacBook Pro was booted up, and voila, the commute was over. So what if I looked like Charlize Theron.

2007-01-30T16:24:00.000-08:00

A MOMENT LIKE THIS

Kelly Clarkson had her song, I have acceptances. Today, after five pitches over the course of two years, a major women's magazine said yes to an idea. That idea was shrunk from a feature story to a front-of-book piece, but it is a door opener, a clip, some money, and terrific piece of mind. Perseverance is rewarded.

More importantly, it's a chance to show what I can do and that is why we work in our pajamas folks. For a moment like this, when America takes a chance on a round-cheeked girl from a small town in Texas...ummm, I mean a slightly, unshaven man from Brooklyn. Perhaps, this is why I've had difficulty breaking into women's magazines?

For the record, all boys like the song, Break Away. We sing it when you're not in the car. The braver ones of us sing it even if you're there.

2007-01-29T18:00:00.001-08:00

Get In The Zone

Do you ever have days when you're in the zone? It's difficult as a freelancer to quantify the work you've accomplished in a given day at times. As research bleeds into internet surfing and checking e-mail turns into chatting, the divide between work and play becomes a fickle line. But then there are days, such as today, when queries flow, editors answer their phones, and sources become available like sweet free candy.

Today, the Determined Freelancer [this is the first and last time I'll refer to myself in the third person] was in the zone. This afternoon, four queries with strong sources, a clear knowledge of the publication, and a solid news hook were sent to editor's inboxes. In many ways, your query letter is a lot like asking for a date. You better show a lot of confidence and nail it right out of the box. If your opening line biffs it, you might as well pack up shop. That's why I think it never hurts to start with your name and then a quick explanation of why this query is awesome. After that, just write what would sound fun to write and read. The rest usually takes care of itself.

Are you a quantity or quality query letter writer? Should we all be both? Something to chew on, like delicious Kinder Suprise Eggs, which I credit for today's inspiration.

2007-01-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

IT'S GO TIME

Hello from the secret home office of the Determined Freelancer. While I would love to pretend that it is a floating monitoring station, similar to the bubble home of the two guys looking for Desmond on Lost, this office is, in actuality, somewhere in Brooklyn.

Or is it really a floating monitoring station and I’m just stringing you along? That’s the kind of suspense, which should keep you coming back each morning.

On to the purpose of this and subsequent entries- this is a blog for determined freelancers, people earnestly trying to make a living via the written word. Whether you type in your pajama pants or pinstripes, you’ll find an upbeat and encouraging voice right here documenting the experience of one pajama-pants-wearing freelancer in the hopes of convincing you that you’re on the right path.

Ed has asked me to share triumphs, procrastination techniques, and just what it means to be a writer and businessperson. You’ll learn about my joy after leaving an editorial assistant position (that’s right, everyone is an editorial assistant at some point) to string for a community newspaper. I’ll even tell you how I parlayed that half-a-hundred per story opportunity into a staff position. And finally, keep your eyes on those computer screens boys and girls, to hear about our hero’s leap back into the freelancing world and the move from Boston to New York City.

Over the past year in Brooklyn, I’ve learned a lot about finding work and adjusting to life as a freelancer. I encourage you to do the same in this space. My success to date has come from persistence and help from editors and writers along the way. Let’s discover together if the Horatio Alger myth still holds- that a bit of luck, pluck, and virtue will lead to success.

2006-10-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

IS ANYONE HAPPY?

So here's a little group participation project for my readers (as well as a good way to determine if I actually have any). Simple question - how many of you out there are truly happy with your career right now? I ask this because it sure seems like the 'angry freelancer' ain't the only pissed off one out there. After reading my Ed blogging cohorts (a special welcome to my man Factwell), I started to wonder if the only time most of us are truly content in this profession is when we're in the naive, er, beginning stages of the journey, like our enthusiastic friend on the hunt. I can count at least four friends with EA or Asst. Ed jobs at big-name magazines who, after a year or two on the job, are pretty miserable with their 9 to 5 (or should I see 9 to 8). But what about the number of senior editors who are in the same boat? People who will actually went through the grind and came out to realize ten years later that they're still not making enough to live well in this city and that the perks of the title aren't worth the stress. And don't get me started on the freelancers - for every story or project I feel proud to put my name on, there are plenty I accept because I don't want to see my byline on an eviction notice.
We're in a cutthroat industry that's contracting titles every day, with the most profitable publishers still being so cheap that they rotate a constant stable of basically well-paid temps in and out of the door rather than - god forbid - pay anyone benefits. Do the highs make up for the lows of this profession? So why do we do it? I guess I know my own answer. I've tried sales, PR, even working for a shady Wall Street firm for a year thinking that I'd be able to save enough money to subsidize my writing (FYI, if they make you an "Assistant Vice President" within six months of you coming in as a temp making $15 an hour, it's probably not the most reputable operation). After it all, I came to the conclusion that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And being certain of that is why all of the other contributing bullshit tends to get me so angry.

Reactions, Edsters? Feel free to offer your thoughts in the comments box or via e-mail to angryfreelancer@yahoo.com. This'll be the last actual earnest industry related post for awhile, I promise.

2006-10-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

DEAR JOHN MAYER:

I thought we had a deal. After having to review the latest steaming pile of crap that you've unloaded on unsuspecting sorority girls and soccer moms, I was happy taking a little bit of a break from each other. I've begrudingly admitted that you're a pretty decent guitarist and think you'd probably make a comfortable living as a session musician who didn't open his giant marble filled mouth. But you probably wouldn't get to bang Jessica Simpson that way. And I guess I can appreciate that to an extent. So I've done my best to find a compromise, avoiding any radio stations that might play your latest "Give Peace a Chance" wannabe drivel, programmed my Directv to avoid VH1, The View (well, that's not entirely on you) and even that episode of Chappelle's Show where you tried to convince black people you were cool - before you did that whole unfortunate standup thing - by playing bass in a barber shop. So imagine my surprise during an afternoon of football viewing yesterday when you and your stupid scrunchy shut-eyed "I'm channeling Jimi" face showed up on my screen every damn commercial break (and in HD, no less) to pimp the new Volkswagen. While I'm thankful that you weren't playing any of your new 'material,' I really didn't think VW could make a more horrifying ad then the ones where all those random people get smashed to pieces. Unless you plan on standing on the 50 yard line at the Meadowlands and letting the entire Giants defense hit you at full speed, please do not appear on screen during football again. I don't disrupt you when you watch the Ghost Whisperer or attend support groups for men with three nipples (so legend has it) or whatever it is you do in your free time. Don't interfere with my hobbies.

Sincerely,
Angry Freelancer

2006-10-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS FROM THE ANGRY FREELANCER

So how about this for an icebreaker. I once offered to wax my balls for a story. Not exactly my proudest moment as a journalist but hey, I was young and needed the money. While thankfully no one took me up on that smooth idea - I believe I pitched it to several women's mags with the offer to be a guinea pig in the brave new world of spa sanctioned manscaping or something like that - I have to imagine an unnaturally shiny scrotal sac would've been much more pleasurable than a torturous assignment I reluctantly accepted earlier this summer. On a Sunday morning in early June, I fielded a call from a frequent client asking if I'm free to head up to a small town upstate for the day for an assignment. Desperate for cash but clearly not the full details, I accept it quicker than you can say NAMBLA. The gig - a 12 hour concert sponsored by the area's raddest Top 40 station featuring the dulcet singing of a former boy band member and a bunch of other one-hit wonders performing in centerfield of the local minor-league baseball stadium. My assignment - find out if the sensitive balladeer is traveling with any new possible romantic interests. While I certainly appreciated the humor in watching slovenly parents shrug it off as their five-year-olds sang rapper T-Pain's "I'm in Luv With a Stripper," word for word, it wasn't exactly the cleanest feeling being the only grown man in a crowd of preteens. I think the highlight came when a cotton candy toting nine-year-old asked me in glee, "Isn't this the best day ever?" Um, yeah, if I was John Mark Karr. So after ten hours of listening to frosted hair coiffed DJ's with names like Scotty Mac and the Woodman ask the crowd if they were ready to 'get their groove on with [said entertainer],' the man himself finally takes the stage. I'm nearly trampled by an avalanche of screaming TRL viewers and their obese, bad perm, jean short sporting moms while I try to determine if any of the lovelies on the side of the stage are ready to help him get over his recent breakup. Even though the lothario came and left alone, I did find out that T-Pain and his crew were trying to pick up mad hoes at the KFC post-show. Yep, this is why I got into journalism.

So how bout 'it fellow freelancers? Which assignments made you want to rip out your short and curlies? Hit me at angryfreelancer@yahoo.com. Until next time....

2006-10-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

LOREM IPSUM, BITCH!